“Experts Warn: [Adjective] Climate Crisis Could Lead to [Dramatic Outcome] by [Year]”, By Charles Rotter

This is a hilarious piece by Charles Rotter: Fill in the blank climate crisis reporting.

Watts Up With That?

Experts Warn: [Adjective] Climate Crisis Could Lead to [Dramatic Outcome] by [Year]

By Charles Rotter on November 13, 2024

Climate Change Alarmist Mad Lib Template

Opening Paragraph:
In a recent report by [Organization Name], scientists have sounded the alarm about the [Adjective] effects of climate change. According to [Authority Figure's Name/Title], if global temperatures rise by just [Small Number] degrees Celsius, we could see catastrophic impacts, including [Noun/Outcome], [Another Noun/Outcome], and even [Absurd Noun/Outcome].

Body Paragraph 1:
The report emphasizes that [Adjective] [Natural Phenomenon] are becoming more frequent and severe due to human activities, particularly the burning of [Fossil Fuel Name]. "[Adjective] weather events like [Specific Natural Disaster] are clear evidence that [Noun] is spiraling out of control," said [Authority Figure's Name], a [Prestigious Title/Profession] at [Institution Name].

Body Paragraph 2:
The consequences will be [Adjective] for vulnerable populations, particularly in [Developing Region/Geographic Area]. "[Vague Percentage]% of [Group of People] could face [Problem], while [Another Percentage]% will be affected by [Different Problem]," warns the report.

Proposed Solution Paragraph:
To prevent this [Adjective] future, [Organization Name] calls for immediate action, including [Vague Policy Recommendation], [Another Vague Recommendation], and [Virtue-Signaling Action]. "[Catchphrase or Buzzword] is no longer an option—it's a necessity," urged [Authority Figure's Name].

Closing Paragraph:
If [Action] isn’t taken within the next [Short Time Frame], experts predict we will face [Adjective] consequences by [Year]. "The science is clear," says [Authority Figure’s Name]. "We must act now to save [Abstract Concept] and ensure a [Virtue-Signaling Adjective] future for all."

Optional Sidebar:
"10 [Adjective] Ways You Can Save the Planet:

1. Stop using [Common Everyday Item].

2. Cut your [Everyday Activity].

3. [Virtue-Signaling Action].

4. [Absurd Suggestion].
   (Repeat as necessary.)